Part 3 ~ Finding the Silver Lining: Faith & Hope

Part 3 ~ Finding the Silver Lining: Faith & Hope

June 2016

I went for my ultrasound later the same day after I saw Dr. T.  I was visibly upset when I arrived in the procedure room. The clinician noticed and did her best to get the information she needed to get started. When the test was complete, she noticed that there wasn’t a time frame requested by which the doctor needed the results. She knew I was upset and said that if she were me, she would want to know immediately. She marked it as urgent and sent me off with her best wishes.

Dr. E. called me after my ultrasound as I was in the car driving to get Bean. He wanted to see how I was and he just listened to me as I cried and told him how scared I was.

The results came in 2 days later and I was told that Dr. T. wanted to see me prior to her other patients that day. My husband and I went in and she told us that it was suspicious for cancer. She was so apologetic about having to meet us under these circumstances. We were reeling from the shock of all of this. It was like a bad dream. My mind went to the worst-case scenario – death and leaving my beautiful family.

Dr. E. was next for a visit. He is just so compassionate! He let me know he would be there to answer any questions and help us thru this.

Gynecologic Oncology. 2 words that instilled fear in me. Up until this time, the only 2 male gynecologists I had were the 2 at my mid-wife’s office. One checked on me as I was having a non-stress test done while pregnant and the other delivered Bean via C-section. I am more comfortable having a lady GYN, ya know, since we all have the same parts and know what certain things feel like! I don’t think male GYNs can relate as they’ve never had menstrual cramps, LOL!

Dr. L. was just as nice as he could be. Very professional, calm, and just made you feel comfortable! He performed an examination and said that age was on my side (you know, as opposed to when trying to conceive at age 36, which was, then, 5 years ago and being labeled as advanced maternal age!). His colleague Dr. M. came in after the exam to go over all the findings with me. This man was funny! For having not 1, but 2 male GYNs – I hit the jackpot in bedside manner! Dr. M. looked at my chart and says “Hey L., is this your handwriting?” Dr. L. responds “yes”. Dr. M. says “That’s some nice handwriting!” Their banter back and forth really put me at ease! I think it was the first time I had smiled, even laughed, in weeks!

They both came to the diagnosis of Borderline/Stage 1 Ovarian Cancer. This was based on the ultrasound as well as how everything felt both internally and externally (lower abdomen). Dr. M. had so much compassion and said that he was telling me all the same things he would say to his wife or daughter. Surgery would be needed, probably laparoscopic, and they would try to preserve my fertility if possible. The surgery was to take place in July and I now would not be going to the Thirty-One Conference to which I was so looking forward. That aside, I felt good leaving the appointment.

Next up was my colonoscopy consult. Upon meeting Dr. S. I wasn’t too sure about him. He seemed like one of those straight forward types who were very clinical and did what they needed to do. Dr. Mc. said that he had done her gall-bladder removal and she liked him.  When I had arrived in the office that day, the front desk staff had informed me that colonoscopies were a “ways out” in scheduling. I was not looking forward to going thru this after having my GYN surgery. Dr. S. said he could do my colonoscopy and I told him what his staff had said to me. He said he would check his schedule to see if he had something sooner. He then asked me if I was available in 3 days. I was super thrilled that his schedule was open and that he could get it done so soon! I was beginning to like him!

My in-laws came down the day before my colonoscopy so that they could take Bean back with them for vacation. They were enjoying a meal as I was doing my prep. Food never smells so good as when you can’t eat it! After my “cleanse”, I was able to have some family time with them before they left the following morning.

Time for my colonoscopy! Dr. S. said my colon looked good except for this 1.5 cm nodule they found. This is not what you want to hear, however, it was benign! He said that when I went in for my surgery, he could be available to remove it if Dr. M. was needing him to do so. Sounded good to me! I went home hungry and ready to relax.

Since we were going to miss most of our vacation to Creation (a Christian music festival with camping), we thought we would take in a livestream of the event. I was sitting there enjoying myself when all of a sudden, I didn’t feel so good. I felt dizzy. I put my head between my knees. They list for you on your discharge papers the signs of when maybe something isn’t right after your procedure and when to call your doctor. So, we did. They said if the dizziness persisted to go to Urgent Care. They thought I was having a vasovagal episode. They couldn’t really do much for us or be sure if that is what it was, so off we went to the ER! Yep – turns out – that is what it was and not complications from the colonoscopy!

It’s hard to find the good in certain situations. I am sure that there are some situations where it seems there is absolutely no good to be found. Even just the fact that you are alive may not seem like a good thing if your situation is dire. I believed that some good had to come from all the tests and how this timeline was orchestrated. My ultrasound technician putting a rush on my imaging results, and Dr. S. finding that nodule and availing himself for my yet-to-be determined date of surgery were pretty amazing! That is where faith and hope come in. Faith is your belief that something will happen. Hope is the expectation that it will despite all odds.  

You only need to have faith the size of a mustard seed. Have you ever heard “having faith like a child”? Have you ever noticed that children believe a lot of things when they are little? That you can tell them something false and they will believe you? They have faith that what you are telling them is true and will happen. They have no reason to believe that it won’t. Even if what you told them is seemingly impossible – they will believe you! So, the next time you find yourself down and in an impossible situation – look up and have faith. God is still in the business of answering prayers. No matter how big a request!

Matthew 17:20 ESV ²⁰ He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”