14 ~ Laparoscopy: Trust

November 2016

I had just finished round 3 of chemo when we had our next appointment with Dr. Sardi. He wanted to discuss the next steps in my treatment plan. Prior to this appointment, I had started hearing a song on the radio entitled “Trust In You” by Lauren Daigle, a Christian recording artist. My friend, Selene, had messaged me the link to this song, as she was deep in worship one day and thought of me. I had been hearing this song for a while before this and it had become my anthem. Remember my very first post? The words I spoke to my daughter? This was my sign! This was also, the song that was playing on the radio as soon as we got in the car to go to this appointment!

Dr. Sardi said he wanted to do a CT scan to see if the chemo was working, and in addition, a laparoscopy to lay eyes on my intestines to just make sure I would be a good candidate for the HIPEC procedure.  

We left the appointment that day and decided to stop on the way home for lunch! We stopped at Noodles & Company to try something new. We ordered our meals and I asked if they had any hot beverages as my chemo makes me sensitive to cold ones. The guy who took our order said they did not, just cold beverages. My husband went to get his drink and said the brewed tea they had was at room temperature, not chilled. I went back over to the counter with my wallet out and ordered a tea. They guy handed me a larger size cup and told me not to worry about it! I don’t know if he took pity on me or what, but he was super nice!

          I had the CT scan done the following week and saw Dr. Sardi a week later. He said that things looked good and there was less bad stuff! He said he wanted to do a laparoscopy to be certain and I agreed.

          We went in for the laparoscopy about a week later and I was very optimistic! Dr. Sardi came in to chat with us before the procedure and asked if we had any questions. I did and got out my little list of questions, which he was happy to go over with me.  The last thing he said to me before going under, was that if there were tumors in the creases of my intestines (you know, where it zig-zags back and forth) that he would probably not be able to help me. Dr. Sardi sugar coats nothing.

          My optimism drained right out of me. We were a bit shocked, but keep in mind, he wasn’t sure from the beginning of my being a good candidate. I went under anesthesia crying.

          I came out of anesthesia crying. I immediately had a couple nurses rushing to my side, asking me what was wrong. I told them I was scared of what he found and that I wouldn’t get my surgery. This other doctor or nurse, I don’t know which he was, came strolling on by, having just heard everything and said “You’re good! You’ll be getting your surgery!” I was so excited!!!

          Trust. It’s a fickle thing! Trusting that someone, let alone God, who is infallible and who has planned for EVERYTHING, will come thru for you in one of your darkest hours, is hard to do. Having the peace that goes with that trust can be even harder.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Side Note: As I am writing this post now (2019) for later publication, I find myself in a familiar place of uncertainty as my latest CT scan has revealed a spot of concern on my rectum. I am 2 years and 3 months out from my HIPEC surgery. Dr. E. believes it could be inflammation, but would like to have Dr. Sardi’s blessing prior to ordering a battery of tests to confirm. This time when I got my results, I had a momentary freak out and then I prayed. I did NOT consult Dr. Google (ha!). I called Dr. E. right away and anxiously awaited his call. I have a great sense of peace right now and am grateful that it is not consuming my every thought, even as I continue to write out my story. I shall keep you posted!