Part 9 ~ It’s Not Easy Being Green!: The Great Physician

Part 9 ~ It’s Not Easy Being Green!: The Great Physician

July/August 2016

We finally had Bean’s birthday party, as we had planned it prior to my surgery. My friend Rachel, a very talented baker, made her a cake, and we had our relatives and some of Bean’s friends over to help celebrate!

 A few days later, it was back to some follow-up doctor appointments for me. Dr. Mc. added in a low dose anti-depressant to the mix of meds I was on. The drug was Lexapro, which I had taken a few years prior because I felt I couldn’t focus, not that I was depressed. I tolerated it well back then, so she had me try it for a week. After the 1^st several days, I just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t pin-point what it was. I called to see if I could stop taking it and they said that it usually takes a week to get acclimated to it and to keep taking it.

I was sitting on the couch one day, about a week later, in the afternoon. I was counting down the days til I could possibly get off of the Lexapro. Mary made me some soup. I felt like my heart was racing, I was agitated, I was irritable and very emotional. I felt like I could be dehydrated, too. I just felt awful. I called into Dr. Mc.’s office and told them thru tears what I was feeling. I asked what the signs of dehydration were as I felt that was part of my problem and at what point I should seek IV hydration. They did tell me I could stop taking the Lexapro and that it was what was probably making me feel as I had.

 Warning – these next few parts might be gross! Then I started, well, we’ll just call it #3! I couldn’t keep anything down and I couldn’t stop. Let me tell you – #3 is not fun when you have a vertical abdominal incision. I was hurting! Kris took me into the ER. I kept my basin with me. I had nothing left in me, so bile is what was coming up. They finally got me into a room in the ER and I said to Kris “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I just want to die”. I felt so bad, death seemed a welcome relief. I was spent. I had nothing left to get out of my system. I hurt so bad from the dry heaving. I was exhausted. I have never felt this way in my life. I don’t even have the words to accurately describe it.

 I was admitted and 2 anti-nausea meds – Zofran (which is like water to me) and Phenergan (which I don’t much like either) were administered around the clock along with IV fluids. All I did was pee, sit Indian-style hunched over a basin (the only way my incision didn’t hurt), and dry heave bringing up bile. I was about 124 pounds going into this hospital stay. I was so nauseated. I could not eat. And what I did eat came right back up.

The doctor on rotation at the hospital was Dr. S.! He came to see me a few times while I was there. Dr. L. came in the next morning to see how my wound vac and I were getting along. He decided it was time for it to come out – YAY! He then had the nurses apply a wet/dry dressing during my stay. My nurses were FANTASTIC!

For the next 4 days, I was still nauseous, still #3ing, and out of it. I tried to sleep as much as I could. I even asked my nurse if she could disconnect my IV fluids for a while so I could get some sleep and stay out of the loo and she did! She told me she wished she could do something more for me. Dr. S. came in and told me that if there was anything I wanted to eat, even if it was from a restaurant, to let them know and they would go and get it for me! They wanted me to eat that badly! I told my nurse that I needed something to alleviate the nausea and something to stimulate my appetite. The GI doctor who had initially come to see me said that it was probably a psychological issue of not dealing well with my diagnosis. My nurse put a call into that doctor so I could talk to him. Then he and his team got pulled into an emergency surgery. She said that if they did not come to see me til her shift ended, that she would call the head of the department at home if she had to. And that is just what she did! I got on with him and he told me that they thought it was in my head and that it could take a few weeks. I told him I didn’t have that kind of time. I told him I needed and anti-nausea and an appetite stimulant and that I had been handling my diagnosis just fine til about a week ago when I started the Lexapro.

The next morning, a new doctor and his crew (there were a lot of them!) came in to see me. He asked me to tell him why I was there. He said, we are going to go discuss and we will be back. I felt very hopeful! A little while later, the phone rang. This new doctor said that one of his med students had suggested a drug that is given to chemo patients who have trouble with nausea and appetite called Dronabinol or Marinol. He wanted to get my consent as it is a derivative of marijuana. I agreed as I was desperate for relief and nothing else was working. My nurse brought it to me and I asked her how long it would take for it to start working. She told me I would probably start feeling the effects in 30-40 minutes and full effects within an hour or so.

It was like NIGHT & DAY. The nausea went away and I started feeling normal for the 1^st time in a week! I was HUNGRY!!! They brought me a menu and I wanted everything on it!!! Of course, they wanted me to pace myself and start off with some easy to digest items like jello!

Kris had been visiting me everyday before and after work. He was especially surprised to see me sitting up and eating when he arrived that evening! My dear friend, Courtney, had come in to see me, amazed at how I was feeling and even walked laps in the hall with me!

I got to go home the day before my 42^nd birthday! I was there for 6 days and 6 nights. My weight had dropped by about 8 lbs. more which meant I was down to about 116 lbs. (I’m 5’ 7”). We celebrated with pizza for lunch, shrimp scampi for supper and a slice of blueberry pie, from Courtney, to make my wish upon! It was so good!!!

I also received a great big surprise from Kert & Mary when they came to visit me on one of my better days. They told me that as soon as I was healed and feeling strong enough, they were going to take us to Disney World! I was so excited! It was my new motivator! Not that being around for my family was not, but I couldn’t wait to go see Mickey & friends!

My Pastor’s son, Dave, was a Seminary student during this time. He came to visit me about 4 or 5 times during my stay from what he told me. I vaguely remember seeing him once as I was so out of it! The time I do remember seeing him, I saw him looking at me, with what I thought was a look of “Oh, dear God, what do I do with this?” He assured me that was not the case. I will close with his story below:

As Tiffany was going through a series of new experiences in her battle with cancer, I was embarking on new experiences of my own. They didn’t compare to the trauma, turmoil, or difficulty she experienced, but as a young pastor fresh out of seminary, I was new to hospital visitations. I was especially unfamiliar with how to counsel and comfort somebody in distress. Tiffany would provide some fast experience!

Our church family knew of her diagnosis and prayed for her throughout it—in fact, we still pray for her! She was very open about her condition, the treatment plan, and her feelings as she went through it. However, reading an update and being with the person are two very different experiences. On several occasions, my visits with Tiffany were brief and largely unfocused. The effect of the medications paired with the uncertainty and fear she was going through made the visits difficult. 

On one particular occasion, I found Tiffany sitting in the middle of her bed, legs ‘criss-cross applesauce’ style sobbing. I talked with her about God’s faithfulness even in the midst of dire situations. I listened to her share her thoughts interspersed with extended times of crying. You could easily tell she was scared and confused. 

Another time I visited with her, she was incredibly—and understandably—fatigued and was longing for sleep that seemed to elude her. While I always encourage people to rest and offer to simply pray and leave (after all, people go to the hospital to get better, not visit with me!), Tiffany still took the time to speak and again share her fears and struggles and tell me of the pain she was experiencing physically and emotionally.  

This became the norm and summarizes the visits we shared on many occasions. Fear. Pain. Sorrow. Fear. Pain. Sorrow. Fear… Pain… Sorrow.

There was one other aspect of every single visit though. It’s one that caught be my surprise but was powerful to witness. Regardless of how cognizant she was of my presence and our visit, in the midst of exclaiming her fear, pain, and sorrow Tiffany always reinforced the fact that she trusted God. She believed He is good. And she was relying on that faith even in the midst of a bad situation. She talked about him as healer. And she knew him to be completely trustworthy.

What a wonderful testimony! What an accurate depiction of our life in Christ! Not once are we promised health, wealth, or prosperity… but we are promised a Savior who is with us in the midst of life’s struggles. Christ loves us and seeks to establish relationship with us—it’s a relationship we can depend on just as Tiffany did. It’s a closeness with the Son of God who, throughout the New Testament, presents himself as one who is powerful, who knows tomorrow, and who can absolutely be trusted.